*This entertainment piece combines both news and comedy and is not meant to be read seriously.*

The Protectors Of The Ville are superheroes that emerged due to a trend during early September through mid October. This trend could be traced back to Minneapolis’s hero, Nomark, and many different villains such as the UofM pisser, the Mankato pisser, the Lacrosse pisser, etc. and like many of theses villains.

The Protectors Of The Ville acquired their own nemesis, The Roseville Pisser (shocking name I know). After a short stunt with the pisser, The Protectors Of The Ville faded into obscurity, similarly like most other superheroes. I was able to get a hold of this once notable hero duo to answer the question: are they who they say they are, or are they nothing but trend hoppers jumping ship when the fad’s over?

What are your names?

“Title card and the kid”

Can you introduce to everyone who you are?

“We are the protectors”

“We are The Ville”

“Together we are the protectors of The Ville!”

To start off, no one has heard from you, the views on your last TikTok have halved since the start of your stunt as superheroes; and many have said you have fallen off, would you agree?

The Kid- “while we haven’t posted in a while, we have been lurking in the shadows… Since we became superheroes, the crime rate in Roseville has fallen 40 percent, something not even the police have been capable of in the past years. If you look at those numbers there’s no way you could call what we do a stunt, and while we might’ve fallen off on TikTok, it seems to me like every criminal in Roseville has fallen off… a cliff.”

Title Card- “very true The Kid, We’ve been behind the scenes, do you remember the pisser’s latest post? You haven’t, there’s a reason why.”

What are your origins? What made you become the Hero’s Of The Ville?

Title Card-“It started when I was born… I was born abandoned in a shack in the middle of the woods, left to fend for myself as a young infant until I had a fateful encounter with a pack of wolves that took me in as one of their own. They taught me what it meant to be an alpha, they taught me how to protect those in need, they taught me what it meant to be a protector of the ville.”

The Kid- “Um… I’m his carbon copy clone.”

Title Card- “did I mention the wolves taught me how to splice my own DNA and a bunch of science? Well they did, I made him in my lab”

The Kid- “He created me to be a stronger, faster, more intelligent version of himself”

Title Card- “but mainly much less attractive”

Did you do this as a stunt or did you plan to make an impact in our school?

The Kid- “I believe we made a huge impact in the school, RAHS’s crime rate is at all all time low of zero since we hopped on the scene and stopped people like the Pisser…”

Title Card-“…We have been a voice for the voiceless, a light for those to feel devoid of it, we protect our community from physical evil yes, but we help the people of The Ville emotionally as well.”

Do you have any examples of either of you being this “voice” for others?

Title Card- “No comment.”

Would either of you ever be interested in taking on the pisser in something like a boxing match?

The Kid- “personally I’m more interested in settling things civilly but if I was ever provoked enough, then yes, I would beat his b____ a__.”

Title Card- “he’d be scared to box me; it wouldn’t even be close. You could call it something similar to a bloodbath perchance.

Were you ever able to get the pisser back for what he did to the community and even your houses?

Title Card- “Let’s just say I took a Q tip and found his DNA from the piss on The Kids house, and let’s just say I’m not gonna tell you what I did to that clone. If you insist I will tell you 2 words, blunt force object, and head.

The Kid- “Title Card that’s 4 words”

To Wrap up, is there anything else you’d be interested in telling your fans and the rest of Roseville as a whole?

Title Card- “I believe we should have beef sambucas at least once a week and we NEED to get rid of that dill pickle pizza.”

The Kid- “I just want to thank you and everyone else at the Ville who has trusted us with their safety, we aspire to be people who y’all are able to lean on and ask for help, and be role models for future heroes of the ville. As long as there are good doers like us out in the Ville, I believe the future is very bright.”

Throughout the duration of this interview, it has become evident that these 2 masked vigilantes do wish for a better future for RAHS and its community, but are they able to put actions behind words? They’ve realized they aren’t pulling nearly as much of an audience as they were in late September- early October. Will they set themselves apart from every other schools superhero and act on their words, or will they fall into obscurity and prove themselves to be trend hoppers just like everyone before them?

Follow The Protectors Of The Ville on TikTok, and follow RahsVille on instagram.